i never questioned

concentrated
pure and whole
i never questioned 
why
when 
happiness depended on
you 
second nature
never
second guessed
i couldn’t be 
if you weren’t 
unhealthy
yet
since i said goodbye
forced
footstep after footstep
eyes forward
back straight and stiff
eyes dry
like pops always
said
i tried to 
convince
myself 
happiness is
within
myself
days melted into
weeks into 
months into
a year
the face in the
mirror isn’t the 
same nor is this
smile 
i can’t seem to
erase
and to say it’s
entirely because of 
someone 
because of him
diminishes 
the days i locked away
myself
within
myself
but his palms are open
face up
towards the bluest of sky
rivaling his eyes
all i have to do
is let the key
drop 

Advertisement

in middle of the night

in middle of the night
when i awoke
unaware in the moment
you never left
i turned my body
ever so softly
ever so gently
to awake you
unaware of the moment
would shatter the utter
peacefulness coursing
through your veins
my fingertips itched to trace
the bow of your lips
the coarse edge of
soft hair lining your jaw
but i couldn’t awake you 
one touch
one poke
the dream folds
like those who
faded before you
yet you
you can’t disappear
i finally just got you
keep my distance
in hope
one day you’ll wake up
in middle of the night
and reach out for me
first