i never questioned

concentrated
pure and whole
i never questioned 
why
when 
happiness depended on
you 
second nature
never
second guessed
i couldn’t be 
if you weren’t 
unhealthy
yet
since i said goodbye
forced
footstep after footstep
eyes forward
back straight and stiff
eyes dry
like pops always
said
i tried to 
convince
myself 
happiness is
within
myself
days melted into
weeks into 
months into
a year
the face in the
mirror isn’t the 
same nor is this
smile 
i can’t seem to
erase
and to say it’s
entirely because of 
someone 
because of him
diminishes 
the days i locked away
myself
within
myself
but his palms are open
face up
towards the bluest of sky
rivaling his eyes
all i have to do
is let the key
drop 

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