today

today was hard
in that
i didn’t think about you
or the pain in my chest
my mind was abuzz
and my thoughts tangled
with the everyday mundane
i didn’t think about you
today
and I feel so guilty

thief in the night

how do i describe a pain
so deep
so vast
so debilitating,
a pain where your heart
is cracked and slowly breaking apart
piece by piece
each time you remember
hearing those words,
words that changed the trajectory
of your life,
words that were uttered
with compassion
but pierced and sliced and cut
hopes and dreams
i never knew i wanted
until they were taken from me
quietly, discreetly
like a thief in the night

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my dearest biji

lids closed
the memory of your touch lingers
bright smile from muted lips
i blew out candles
twenty
as you watched restricted
i never asked
the question you wouldn’t have
been able to answer
when you reached out
wrapping weathered frail fingers
around my wrist
i knew
fast forward five
and i wonder if the jalebis up there
are to your liking?

but we wait

frigid wisps of breath
hang in the air
dry lips
it’s coming
frail hands, fingers
too weak
to wrap comfort
around those who need
waiting
in pain
but we wait
with memories
anchoring fragility
don’t go
our selfishness
cannot handle
but don’t stay
not like this
not in pain
neither is
ready