Tag Archives: emotions

chaand mama

chaand mama nu matta tekkeya ajj?

daddy used to teach me
to look out for the stars
high in the night’s sky
there lies your fate
he used to say
your destiny
i used to look for the moon
full and distant
and in the nights
she was nowhere to be seen
despite searching and reaching
daddy told me
never forget to thank
the moon and stars
for they are the reason
why i am
who i am
who i will be
and when he’s too far away
out of reach
out of touch
the moon and stars
are not

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more than anything
i want to know
what your hands
feel like in mine
eyes closed
roughened skin catches
the edges of mine’s soft
fingers bitten by
years of sharp cords
your craft
my pleasure
to feel the strength
of your bones
corded muscle
lined up against
my own strength
cannot belie
the pulse that would
beat between us

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got me in the mood

you’ve got me in the mood 
to cry, let these tears flow
without consequence
never good enough 
“come on baby. just like this.
i know you want to”
you’ve got me in the mood
to throw away everything
i’ve become 
never good enough
“why are you being so dramatic?
just live a little”
you’ve got me in the mood 
to lose myself
“baby who are you fooling?
you’ve never found yourself
in the first place”
you’ve got me in the mood
to believe everything
you believe of me. 

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penises between legs
rifles in hands
pride in hearts
but grandfather had five 
childbearing hips
had them marked
as failures
since the days of birth
still they rose
with the sun
with their grandfather’s 
bark in their ears
be better 
be more
be men
he never let up
they may have been
to the eyes of the world
but to grandfather
they were his
and God be damned
if the rest of the world
didn’t see

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too proud

i would trade every
compliment from unknown lips
for an embrace from familiar arms
strength evades
all that remains is the
weakness for you
deep within my chest
too proud to admit my wrongs
i swallow this like i do
my sorrows.
too proud to admit i am broken
beyond repair
beyond a thousand compliments
without you

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he reaches out
eyes wise and friendly
child come tell me
what’s wrong
tucking her fragile
against his strong line
years of weathering
years of strength
years of defeat
rolling off his skin
in waves like the sea
he took her twelve year old self to
she shakes her head
buried into his chest
nothing, pops, i promise
he doesn’t ask again
doesn’t know what or how
to make his baby girl
smile her mischief smile
age has nothing on parenting
twenty-five and broke
he doesn’t know why
but he doesn’t ask
he just hides her
against his body
from the world.

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never understood

i never understood
what it meant to have
your heart feel heavy
i had heard it feels
like someone sat
in the middle of your chest
but i feel like
someone wrapped their
fingers around my organ,
squeezing until all
the blood drains
empty and blue

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tell me

so tell me
my dearest friend
how did we end up here
with miles between us
stretched as long as this silence
filling deep into cracks
i never knew existed
i take the blame
your heart too pure
mine too damaged
to be anything other
than dark fingerprints
against pale skin

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will i

as my head hits the pillow
i think of everything i have done wrong
not right
because the former outweighs the latter
i seek yet have yet to find
what my purpose is,
to wonder if one day
when i look back at this
will i smile
wide and proud
or dim and sad
of things i should have done.
i am trying to live by you
but when did i give up
on myself?

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eyes, lined with exhaustion
and pain fail to close,
to find the soul so
desperately desires.
instead they stare into
an abyss as the body
falls weak. yet sleep
won’t come, not when
the storm pushes against
veins, capillaries rushing
with poison. voices sound
distant but close enough
to know you will witness
body growing ill, helpless
yet you are trapped
just as much as i
in your idleness

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