Tag Archives: family

chaand mama

chaand mama nu matta tekkeya ajj?

daddy used to teach me
to look out for the stars
high in the night’s sky
there lies your fate
he used to say
your destiny
i used to look for the moon
full and distant
and in the nights
she was nowhere to be seen
despite searching and reaching
daddy told me
never forget to thank
the moon and stars
for they are the reason
why i am
who i am
who i will be
and when he’s too far away
out of reach
out of touch
the moon and stars
are not

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waking up on saturdays
rolling around in bed
until mama pulls the sheets off
scent of cinnamon and cardamom
mixed in with mama’s smile
pop’s cracks a joke
on the borderline of the truth
but everyone laughs
it’s saturday

now their laughter is in the distance
and saturdays are spent
trying to keep my eyes
from turning red

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thank you

hey you

who i once loved

i hope you’re happy

i hope you’re good

but i’m finally ready

ready to say goodbye

for today

for tomorrow

for now


thank you for helping

me become the person

i can truly love

i can be proud of

thank you

for letting me go

when i need to

the most

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mama thinks

sometimes i wonder what
mama thinks
sometimes i wonder every night
does she miss the days
she would instruct me to sit
back straight
head high
in front of her so she could
delicately put my dark hair into a braid
i always hated
does she miss the days
i used to watch her cook with a smile
food i no longer tolerate
does she miss the days
i loved myself
like she loved me

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hot headed
just like
grandfather showed me
how fierce words could be
sharp and precise
swift and hurtful
he told me i had a gift
to use it wisely.
just like
grandfather taught me
the importance of self
never let them reduce you 
to their level
because, puth, you 
shine like your birthstone
next to these faded rocks.
just like
grandfather used to 
pat my cheeks, 
eyes bright with pride
i did not understand
never let them tell you
you can’t be what you want
to be, who you are
what you are.
grandfather saw it
as a weakness in me
shoulders straight
hold your jaw
twenty six years later
i never learned
how to pull
my heart off my sleeve
grandfather did say
i reminded him of

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never goodbye, just a smell ya later

when i was five
kindergarten kid 
you were my cool
amazing all star
stars in eyes
some called it
when i thirteen
fresh meat grade eight
you were my hot
popular, “hey have you
met my baby sis” 
my protector, my guidance.
concealed poorly
is my admiration,
respect i have
for you, my sister.
years continued and faded
suddenly no longer 
was i the baby sister
but an equal
you depended on me
let me carry you
when your five inch
stilettos busted
metaphorical or not,
let me wipe away pain
inflected by those who never
so i won’t shed tears
(or try not to)
because this isn’t goodbye
it never is.
it’s a 
“you better have a
grey goose martini ready.”
here’s to you,
my beautiful all star amazing 

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penises between legs
rifles in hands
pride in hearts
but grandfather had five 
childbearing hips
had them marked
as failures
since the days of birth
still they rose
with the sun
with their grandfather’s 
bark in their ears
be better 
be more
be men
he never let up
they may have been
to the eyes of the world
but to grandfather
they were his
and God be damned
if the rest of the world
didn’t see

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but we wait

frigid wisps of breath
hang in the air
dry lips
it’s coming
frail hands, fingers
too weak
to wrap comfort
around those who need
in pain
but we wait
with memories
anchoring fragility
don’t go
our selfishness
cannot handle
but don’t stay
not like this
not in pain
neither is

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