Tag Archives: pain

guilt trippin

she has a masters in guilt trippin
learned, crafted, poised
second nature
foot out, eyes wide in innocence
perfect lips curled up in one corner
i know who she is
through and through
yet i love her
my heart beats a little quicker
when i know it’s coming
the accusations
why aren’t you good enough?
do you even care?
the pain, the hurt
well deserved,  well earned
and i let her
who am i to stop her dreams?
she’s going to get a PhD one day
and i’ll be there when
she crosses the stage

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burned blades

breathe in
sun’s heat beats down
flowers’ pollen floating through the air
dead wind
i lay on a bed of
burned grass blades
nowhere to go
nowhere to be
skin tingling with
wasted passion
yet eager to float
breathe in
let the earth fill my nostrils
and settle in my lungs
i lay on this bed
of burned glass blades
and let my mind drift
while my still body

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when i close my eyes
squeezed tight
praying these tears don’t fall
i try to listen to
the whispers of the trees
as the soothing song of
the rain is no longer
yearning for something
intangible, unidentifiable
when i close my eyes
i think of you
holding me tight
letting unnecessary words
fall between the cracks
of our bodies

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mama thinks

sometimes i wonder what
mama thinks
sometimes i wonder every night
does she miss the days
she would instruct me to sit
back straight
head high
in front of her so she could
delicately put my dark hair into a braid
i always hated
does she miss the days
i used to watch her cook with a smile
food i no longer tolerate
does she miss the days
i loved myself
like she loved me

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got me in the mood

you’ve got me in the mood 
to cry, let these tears flow
without consequence
never good enough 
“come on baby. just like this.
i know you want to”
you’ve got me in the mood
to throw away everything
i’ve become 
never good enough
“why are you being so dramatic?
just live a little”
you’ve got me in the mood 
to lose myself
“baby who are you fooling?
you’ve never found yourself
in the first place”
you’ve got me in the mood
to believe everything
you believe of me. 

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he reaches out
eyes wise and friendly
child come tell me
what’s wrong
tucking her fragile
against his strong line
years of weathering
years of strength
years of defeat
rolling off his skin
in waves like the sea
he took her twelve year old self to
she shakes her head
buried into his chest
nothing, pops, i promise
he doesn’t ask again
doesn’t know what or how
to make his baby girl
smile her mischief smile
age has nothing on parenting
twenty-five and broke
he doesn’t know why
but he doesn’t ask
he just hides her
against his body
from the world.

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tell me

so tell me
my dearest friend
how did we end up here
with miles between us
stretched as long as this silence
filling deep into cracks
i never knew existed
i take the blame
your heart too pure
mine too damaged
to be anything other
than dark fingerprints
against pale skin

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dig deep

dig your fingers
let the capillaries break
in your grip
flow over your skin
red and murky
smell sharp and iron laced
don’t worry about
the pulse
it’ll quieten soon enough

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eyes, lined with exhaustion
and pain fail to close,
to find the soul so
desperately desires.
instead they stare into
an abyss as the body
falls weak. yet sleep
won’t come, not when
the storm pushes against
veins, capillaries rushing
with poison. voices sound
distant but close enough
to know you will witness
body growing ill, helpless
yet you are trapped
just as much as i
in your idleness

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but we wait

frigid wisps of breath
hang in the air
dry lips
it’s coming
frail hands, fingers
too weak
to wrap comfort
around those who need
in pain
but we wait
with memories
anchoring fragility
don’t go
our selfishness
cannot handle
but don’t stay
not like this
not in pain
neither is

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