woman

i couldn’t tell you
what being a woman is
everyday i try
knowing my efforts may
not be recognized
my worth may be deemed less
i think of my mother
four thousand plus kilometres away
and the power of her potential
that never came to fruition
I do it for her,
all the women before her
all the women after me

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today

today was hard
in that
i didn’t think about you
or the pain in my chest
my mind was abuzz
and my thoughts tangled
with the everyday mundane
i didn’t think about you
today
and I feel so guilty

most

i have always loved you
but i like you most
in the softest of light
when your eyes are low
and your gaze away and focused
i like you most
when your passion for
notes and strings and melodies
tilts your voice high and a touch frantic
i like you most
when you make me
the food of my childhood
with every ounce of care and love
like my mother did
i like you most
when you talk about wanting a daughter
and the sweet name she’d have
i like you most
when you wrap your arms around me
and let me breathe and release and cry
i like you most
always

extinguish

there are days
like today
where i woke up
with no kindness in my heart
with no happiness in sight
and you stand in front of me
with your big smile
and hopeful eyes
and in my selfish attempt
to make me feel better
i tear you down
but it doesn’t
make me feel any better
because you are my light
because you are the one
who does makes me feel better
with your kindness
selflessness,
with your big smile
and hopeful eyes.
and now i have no one to blame
but myself
for extinguishing my light
and yours

thief in the night

how do i describe a pain
so deep
so vast
so debilitating,
a pain where your heart
is cracked and slowly breaking apart
piece by piece
each time you remember
hearing those words,
words that changed the trajectory
of your life,
words that were uttered
with compassion
but pierced and sliced and cut
hopes and dreams
i never knew i wanted
until they were taken from me
quietly, discreetly
like a thief in the night

in middle of the night

in middle of the night
when i awoke
unaware in the moment
you never left
i turned my body
ever so softly
ever so gently
to awake you
unaware of the moment
would shatter the utter
peacefulness coursing
through your veins
my fingertips itched to trace
the bow of your lips
the coarse edge of
soft hair lining your jaw
but i couldn’t awake you 
one touch
one poke
the dream folds
like those who
faded before you
yet you
you can’t disappear
i finally just got you
keep my distance
in hope
one day you’ll wake up
in middle of the night
and reach out for me
first

push pull. fall follow

palm to palm
don’t look down
focus on my eyes
i push you fall
i pull you follow
don’t worry about your feet
they know better than you do
trust me
one two one two
beat heavy clinging
to our pores.
there you go
let your hips be guided,
your body loose
there’s nobody here
except the lingering ghosts
of you and i

last train

bleary eyes
smeared lipstick
promise of forever
hanging on to
the last drop of
pale ale
tastes of bitter
yet we swallow
willingly
fingers laced together
as we go
to a place we call
home.

untypical

fits
out palms lay together
untypical
fingers without paint
without glitz or glamour
but here you are.
eyes closed, i can count
every single one
dark lashes
against pale honey skin
slightly chapped lips
i want to trace mine
with yours.
roses i laid
between you chest
wither on the floor
forgotten in haste
of needing to make
another memory.
us
with a word on our tongue
too fragile to speak
too important to neglect.
let it wash over us
as the storm rages
beyond the window pane.