today

today was hard
in that
i didn’t think about you
or the pain in my chest
my mind was abuzz
and my thoughts tangled
with the everyday mundane
i didn’t think about you
today
and I feel so guilty

next time

in the comfort of the dark
we allow ourselves to
talk about it again
to hope
about a next time
next time
to cautiously open
our hearts again
to a possibility
of us becoming three,
in low whispers
just in case our wish
turns into reality

will i

as my head hits the pillow
i think of everything i have done wrong
not right
because the former outweighs the latter
i seek yet have yet to find
what my purpose is,
to wonder if one day
when i look back at this
will i smile
wide and proud
or dim and sad
of things i should have done.
i am trying to live by you
but when did i give up
on myself?

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my dearest biji

lids closed
the memory of your touch lingers
bright smile from muted lips
i blew out candles
twenty
as you watched restricted
i never asked
the question you wouldn’t have
been able to answer
when you reached out
wrapping weathered frail fingers
around my wrist
i knew
fast forward five
and i wonder if the jalebis up there
are to your liking?