Tag Archives: writing

your smile knows 

​skin so soft 
pale even as the sun
bestows a carefully placed kiss
you won’t look up
and i won’t speak up
you need to know
how the furrow of your brow
how the purse of your thin pale lips
how the ease of your laughter
how your fingertips find the top of my thigh
makes the voices melt into
the soft hum of the world’s noise
i can feel your gentle grasp
around my heart, easy pulse
when you do look up
your smile knows 

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chaand mama

chaand mama nu matta tekkeya ajj?

daddy used to teach me
to look out for the stars
high in the night’s sky
there lies your fate
he used to say
your destiny
i used to look for the moon
full and distant
and in the nights
she was nowhere to be seen
despite searching and reaching
daddy told me
never forget to thank
the moon and stars
for they are the reason
why i am
who i am
who i will be
and when he’s too far away
out of reach
out of touch
the moon and stars
are not

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saturdays

waking up on saturdays
rolling around in bed
until mama pulls the sheets off
scent of cinnamon and cardamom
mixed in with mama’s smile
pop’s cracks a joke
on the borderline of the truth
but everyone laughs
it’s saturday

now their laughter is in the distance
and saturdays are spent
trying to keep my eyes
from turning red

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seasoned fingertips

since having your
hands
on my skin,
in my hair,
fingers curled around
my own
it’s the only touch
i crave
seasoned fingers
weathered, endured
on the small of my back,
tracing the lines on my wrist
i could never
get enough
of feeling
your want
within your fingertips

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i never questioned

concentrated
pure and whole
i never questioned 
why
when 
happiness depended on
you 
second nature
never
second guessed
i couldn’t be 
if you weren’t 
unhealthy
yet
since i said goodbye
forced
footstep after footstep
eyes forward
back straight and stiff
eyes dry
like pops always
said
i tried to 
convince
myself 
happiness is
within
myself
days melted into
weeks into 
months into
a year
the face in the
mirror isn’t the 
same nor is this
smile 
i can’t seem to
erase
and to say it’s
entirely because of 
someone 
because of him
diminishes 
the days i locked away
myself
within
myself
but his palms are open
face up
towards the bluest of sky
rivaling his eyes
all i have to do
is let the key
drop 

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in middle of the night

in middle of the night
when i awoke
unaware in the moment
you never left
i turned my body
ever so softly
ever so gently
to awake you
unaware of the moment
would shatter the utter
peacefulness coursing
through your veins
my fingertips itched to trace
the bow of your lips
the coarse edge of
soft hair lining your jaw
but i couldn’t awake you 
one touch
one poke
the dream folds
like those who
faded before you
yet you
you can’t disappear
i finally just got you
keep my distance
in hope
one day you’ll wake up
in middle of the night
and reach out for me
first

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let you walk away

light is filtering in
slowly
the sun only beating
us by mere minutes
you’re racing
against some clock
i can’t see
but i sit back
sheets pooled just under
my chest
the cold air evident on
my skin
and watch you fight
with yesterday’s clothes
buttons slowly hide
the marks i didn’t
consciously 
mean to leave on
your pale skin 
fingernails indent
my favorite hip bone
faded teeth just above
your bellybutton 
dressed but perhaps
not fully ready
you climb onto the bed
marred sheets rustling
your face hovers
above mine
glasses framing 
tired but content
ocean blue eyes
press a kiss
against my lips
that doesn’t justify either
of our needs
of our wants
you’re already late
but i let you walk away
let you leave
with my red lipstick
lingering on your cheek
just above yesterday’s stubble

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hands

more than anything
i want to know
what your hands
feel like in mine
eyes closed
roughened skin catches
the edges of mine’s soft
fingers bitten by
years of sharp cords
your craft
my pleasure
to feel the strength
of your bones
corded muscle
lined up against
my own strength
cannot belie
the pulse that would
beat between us

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eyes of men

i sat amongst men
yesterday 
had a glass of cognac 
placed in front on me. 
hair tied back,
ends tucked away from
judgmental eyes.
naturally my shoulders hunched
not wanting to waste 
opportunity 
to feel what real men do
they spoke about an age
i would never have any
tangible opinions on
so i sat, shoulders hunched
and brought the glass
to my inexperienced lips
the first touch against my
tongue should have been
my last. but i held down
the urge to let it spill
from between my lips.
let it soak, son.
let it seep into your veins
let it make you a man 
eyes watered but i held on
to a watery smile
and let the countless years of XO
swirl in the pit of my stomach 
when the last drop disappeared
nothing will erase the memory
of pride within 
the eyes of men

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step step follow follow

i almost called you
today
with the need to
dance
remember the way
you used to hold
me?
step step
follow follow
you were the only
one i ever allowed
hold me tight
where you and i end
was unimportant
like the hours they slipped
away
the music never mattered
as long as
you held me right
I almost called you today
pressing numbers
etched in  my fingertips

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